Sunday, March 11, 2012

What's a hero?

That is something I've been pondering about. I don't think there's just one hero. I think there's a lot of them in this world. And it upsets me when people don't realize that or they dwell on just one.

Of course we've had our own personal experience with a lot of hero's this past year. Yes, Noah was (is) of course one of them. But I realize that he's only one out of a many, many more. Noah, unfortunately, have a lot of friends in heaven. And there are many other little babies who went before them. Because really, I don't think there's more of a hero than those itty bitty babies that leaves this earth to go be in a place where there's no pain and suffering.
It's not because they give up. They just couldn't be fixed! Their little bodies were too complicated. They were fighters from day one in utero. I often think about what a miracle these babies are. It's a MIRACLE that Noah first survived nine months in my womb. He grew big and strong. And then he lived for another ten weeks outside my womb.
But now that so many babies are in heaven I HATE that they don't get the recognition they deserve.
And now I'm getting a little personal. But it breaks my heart that we (Noah's dad and me) are the only ones to keep his memory alive. If we wouldn't talk about him no one would. Yes, they might mention him, but no one is gonna post a facebook update to rave about how awesome he is. Or Noah will never get attention in the media about what a rockstar he is. Or what a hero he was! People move on with their lives. And I understand that. But us, grieving parents, who are left behind, we don't move on. A piece of our hearts will always be missing. We miss staring into those beautiful little eyes. We miss those little fingers sqeezing our finger. We miss seeing those little legs kick in the air.
What is my whole point about me writing this? It's something that has been on my mind a lot. Something that has made me shed a few tears and even kept me awake at night too.
I think about Noah, Ronan, Elizabeth, Phoebe, Nathan, Nelyn, Kash...just to name a few babies every single day. They are truly little fighters. Strong babies. Gone way too soon but never forgotten. And I'll keep talking about them so no one forgets how much they meant to us. How tough they were.
And I don't want this to come out sounding like we are not appreciative of all the prayers Noah got when he was here on earth. So many was rooting for him to get better. I almost felt like that Noah couldn't die, because we would let so many people down. I so badly wanted to be the one yelling from the top of my lungs that my baby made it. My baby is leaving the hospital and going to his real home.
But he didn't. He died. His beautiful heart stopped beating. His purpose on earth was done.

I'm just wanting you to open your eyes. Realize that there are a lot of grieving parents out there who has fought for their babies to stay with them. They fought for their right to raise them. And think about those babies. They fought even harder. Let's not forget about their legacy.

A hero is someone I look up to and admire.

And I hope I have now broken the silence. I'm honoring those sweet babies in heaven that we miss every second of every day.

We love all of you, you sweet angel babies.


JD said...

(((hugs))) Bettina! I think of Noah often too. Thanks for reminding us all to be more vocal about our memories.

Kim said...

Noah was so much a part of our stay in St. Louis. He will always be a part of our, and Ronan's story! I wish our stories were of Ronan and Noah growing up together instead of remembering them, but I am grateful to be blessed with your family in our lives as a result of our beautiful boys. We will remember him always.

Rachelle Wynkoop said...

To me, a hero looks like you, and my sister Kim, our friend Chrissy, my friend Pamela. The amazing parents who after suffering the worst imaginable lost are willing to love, understand and support one another. I am daily humbled by your unselfishness in the midst of your grief. Never let anyone tell you, how and for how long you grieve this loss. Wearing my Team Bush remembrance walk t-shirt today that includes Noah and Elizabeth's names. I will remember with you.

Sarah said...

I am in tears. Beautifully said. The world goes on, forgets our sorrows. People forget, or want to forget. We are left behind, never being the same, forever changed. For me, the world is dimmer, even though we have so much to be grateful for. Part of my heart, my soul is gone...
Thank you for thinking of Nathan, and all the precious babies.