Grief..I just want to punch you in the face

I've been struggling lately. I've been struggling a lot. Grief has snuck up on me again and totally taking a hold of me. I miss Noah. I miss him so, so much.
I don't know why I'm hurting so much. It's not like there's any milestones coming up or it's his "time of year". I've been doing so good for a while. Sure I've missed Noah and shed tears for him, but I've been able to live life and enjoy it. I'm still doing that, but I've just been down in the pits a lot and tears have come daily and so easily.
A lot might not know this. I keep this to myself (except for my hubby). I guess I don't want to bother anyone. And really, there's nothing "new" to report, because it's still the same. I miss him. I miss holding him. This morning while driving to work I thought of when I was holding him and for a second I felt him in my arms. It was amazing but it also freaked me out for a second.
Every time when I drive to work I go by the hospital where Noah was born. Normally I never think of the events that occurred there, cause he was only there the two days I was there and then he was transferred to his "permanent" home. But now when I go by the hospital I cry, I think back to the first time I layed eyes on him, our first consultations with doctors etc.
So I'm navigating this tough time with the help of my sweet husband. He's my rock. But I also picked up one of my grief books. I found a beautiful poem:

 

 

Do not stand

at my grave and weep

I am not there,

I do not sleep.

 

 

I am a thousand

winds that blow.

I am the diamond

glints on snow.

 

 

I am the sunlight

On the ripened grain.

I am the gentle Autumn's rain.

 

 

When you awaken

in the morning hush,

I am the swift uplifting rush

of quiet birds in

circled flight.

I am the soft stars

that shine at night.

 

 

Do not stand

at my grave and cry.

I am not there.

I did not die.

 

 

 

~ Hopi Prayer